Family: a letter to Katrina, and my friends.

No pictures, no promotion, no tricks. Only a lot of words, some of them I will probably regret.

Katrina, when you asked about what kind of family we where, you mentioned degrees of blood relationships, but for me there are two kind of families, what you get and what you choose to have, and Nat, you and Maya are one of the second.

Still, I admit there are differences between you… it may sound harsh, but Natsumi will always go first. I am hers, and when she logs I always run to her arms. I am more close to you than Maya (and yes, that sounds rude, too).

But for everything else, what is mine is yours. If you need me I’ll try to be there, and if I need help I’ll call for you. I will never feel alone, not look for love, because I know I already have. That’s what family means to me.

I love you.

And now, here you are, my readers (and, no kidding, I love how it sounds… I roll the words on my mouth some times, “my readers”). I went pretty far with my last post, but not far enough.

Adolescence is supposed to be the time when you examine yourself and your world, finding your place and who you are. By that standard, I was 32 when it ended for me. For some years I rarely had to examine myself, until I arrived here.

I say often that I love SL people, but I also love what it does to me. All its shades, the release from inhibitions, the relative security of a virtual world, frees parts of me… no, uncover parts of me that I don’t know… for me it isn’t a second life, it is a second adolescence.

And so, sometimes what I find makes me reevaluate the image I have about myself, and with it, I mature a bit.

First lie uncovered: at my second post I said this isn’t a blog about sex. I cannot believe how gullible can I be. Of course it is.

Lillie said SL main industry is sex; I hope SL main industry is love, but the frontier is confuse here.

Yes, for most of us SL is clothes, shapes, skins, poses, practical scripts… ways to comunicate. Sex. Love. As she said, the primate drive.

I think that sex at SL is so quick and frequent because it is a way of communication; once you break the initial frontier, sex is natural, and let’s you progress. And yes, there is an industry of sex… I cannot tell escorting is about love… but as Lillie says, a lot of clients want to be the white knight.

Even more, escorts don’t like unimaginative clients… that means something is different, since that means the intercourse can be interesting sometimes; I doubt RL escorts want anything more than end soon and take their money, but the theme is so alien for me that I can be wrong.

But I digress…

When I readed the previous thread, I started thinking… I should give Timothy an opportunity, to show him it isn’t so bad to be a friend. I should meet theshadow, even if I know I whould be of little help now. Maybe I whould be funny to see how Eidur stalk me, even if I am not too much into blondes (Yes, I am curious and Google a lot)…

Maybe I am stupid… I should know my limits already. When I readed the comments and discovered that Kat’s sex drive isn’t an exception, that many give their bodies and souls so freely, I looked at myself and saw I was faulty.

My SL time is only some hours a day, even if lately I’ve been going to bed at six of morning, since my complex life here needed it. I cannot do as Soph and use an agenda to decide who I am going to see… I want to be here for everybody, when they want me; I envy her for reaching a kind of balance. I cannot do it.

I am not the woman I thinked, at home in a world of polyamorous people, most of them gorgeous, daring women. I simply happen to love some of them. I am as theshadow describes in her comment… I can make love in a sporadic way, but at the end I am mainly a friend, and that can cause pain.

My main drive isn’t sex… is going home, and be with Natsumi, and love her, and my SL family. My secondary drive? Love, communication with nice people like you. And yes, sex is love and communication, too. But it needs time.

I met Soph last friday, and I liked her, and found her interesting and lovely. I hugged her the sunday, for about five minutes. We exchanged three IM’s the tuesday. I am going to to scrap some hours for us the friday, so we can bath together, and maybe love each other; we probably will see each other from time to time, mostly to talk, unless she adopt us or we adopt her.

So, this is the reward if you seduce me… little time for you, and an increasing neurosis for me.

I am not saying that you don’t try… I am easy. You only need to be nice, a bit of sense of humor and a touch of naughtiness.

But you probably will get so little of me, that I doubt is worth the effort.

You know? RL is a bitch, since it keeps me away from the people I love.

SL is a bitch, since it keeps me away from the people I love.

But I love both.