Exploring the BDSM scene: Chains of the mind

This post is the third part of a group of five posts that starts here.

Once I decided to behave openly as an slave, things changed a lot. At first it was exciting, of course. All the new things, the rules, the kink, the sex.

The kink sex, too :-p.

I remember some interesting moments, like when I asked my Mistress to choose a look for me, and she and some of her friends choosed the pale skin and the hair, that I’ve kept since them as my most adventurous side. I also remember to wait in a shop naked, kneeling and alone, while some clothings where being choosed (below you can see one of the scarce pictures I kept from that time… I keep the outfit, too :-).

I think that the one of the bests moments of all was when I was ordered to show the long tattoo to a group of Mistress friends, and I standed naked, my back and long elven ears caressed, excited and trembling while people I didn’t knew praised me. That day I discovered my exhibitionist streak, that I’ve treasured and nurtured since then.

I posed today like that day, for the blog, and the pleasure of it.

As I said, an exotic, kink, exciting life. At least at first.

Now the rant is coming, I want to make it clear that it is about my own personal experience; I don’t need to be told that things are pretty different for other people, nor is this a critic to the lifestyle… it is only the tale of what happened to me.

I growed bored kneeling at her feet for hours by Mistress siden, in places that don’t really had to do much with me, and I hated when the rules forced me to behave in a public way that could annoy or disgust other people; it isn’t polite to force your lifestyle in front of vanilla people, in vanilla places.

The collar, profile changes and talking continously in third person (sigh, that was truly tiring) are an obvious sign of your lifestile for everybody, and most people become uneasy when they talk with you since, well, you are somebody’s else property. Worse, one of my passions is to tease and flirt, but since I wasn’t able to correspond anybody, I felt bad doing it, and with time, I leaved it.

I had asked at first to be free to choose other lovers but later it becomed a promisse to ask previous permission, and then a monogamic state. Rules changed insidiously, slowly, always more and more restrictive ones. As time passed the need to talk in a respectfull way, to ask permission for most things, to keep my distance for other people, dulled me. I was bored, tired and sad. Things wasn’t fun anymore; I wasn’t fun anymore.

But I had gived my word to stay and be a slave, and I keep my word.

Months passed, sometimes alone for long hours, days or, worse, alone at Mistress feet. Only a fucktoy to be used from time to time; Sad sex with little involvement.

I propossed some things, offered to script items, tried new activities, but nothing seemed to get the interest of my Mistress, and I felt more and more lonely and useless. I asked my liberty sometimes, sometimes after angry rows, and never got it.

Sigh. You know that thinking about it still hurts?

With time, a small miracle happened; well, a big one for me *smiles*. I was feeling lonely, as always, sitting in a log by the fire in one of the long Mistress absences when Natsumi addressed me. We talked for hours and, that same night, while we where sitting at Dublin’s bridge, I felt in love.

I remember that like the other top moment of my slavery, sitting with her, unable to kiss her, waiting for my Mistress to come back to get her permission to love her. Love and desire thorn me for days.

At the end the permission comed with some obvious conditions; even if Nat wasn’t going to be a slave, she should share herself, something that she agreed about, since it matched her own poly beliefs.

The first days where good, even if I wanted more and more to be with Nat, needed her so much that I suffered when she wasn’t around; but that was only to be expected of a serious case of Cupido illness.

Later pressure increassed over Natsumi, far from the previous limits, as it had happened to me before. Sad days while I tried to defend her from a weak position, with my hands tied, while she endured it not to lose risking me.

Do you remember the red and black gothic outfit I published at the introduction? Goth isn’t my turf, but I arranged it in one of Mistress absences, to please her… days after it she comed, I ported and saluted her, and she said hello in a casual way, and ignored me. Yes, she probably was IM’g, but I was her slave, and I waited, and she didn’t even notice the dress…

At the end, when she dismissed me without some kind but distraugth words, I ported and removed it, crying and enraged. It took a long time before I weared it again.

After weeks of this I had to choose, and choosed love. Runned away from my slavery, promised not to take a new Master or Mistress and slowly, healed. Found the strength to work, developed the Pandora Hud, partnered Nat, tested the polyamorous theory until it demostrated too much for me, and ended with a semi-stable life that I enjoy madly.

Dominant/submissive relations can be a good way of life, but they are dangerous if not done properly. I don’t know if I was being manipulated, but I doubt it; I simply think that the dullness was the result of a slight mistreating, of selfishness. I was withering, abandoned, but not released, and couldn’t shake it until I saw it starting to happen to somebody I loved. Natsumi saved me.

Ok, end of the rant and of the story, but still two post to come. In the next one I’ll talk about some games that can help you to get a taste of SL D/s, without risking the heavy psicological involvement of a true relation. Don’t expect a revolution, mostly they are only some scenes that Nat and I like to play with sometimes (partnered doesn’t mean dead :-p), always with a fun spirit… even if they can be so, so exciting .-p

*** Next: Dominance Games ***

---

Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)

• Angelina Jolies Candid Q and A, Entertainment Weekly Cover
• How to Be the Most Likable You