It pisses me off
January 13, 2008 by London Spengler
Yes, yes, it has been a long time since I posted, and probably I will not be able to do it again in the next two weeks… but the clouds are opening, and a lot of free time is shining at the horizon.
Anyway, I felt slightly pissed off, and that is always a good thing to get me started writing; it is so fun to be me :-p.
I know I am repeating myself, but I believe people is basically good. Even when I readed at dandellion’s place about this ugly, mean and foul mouthed land baron, I still think he probably isn’t evil, only stupid and rude.
Ok, very stupid and rude.
But I just noticed that I never was precise about what that goodness mean to me; I still whould despise that guy, and whould try to avoid him; maybe he is good inside, but that theory only helps me to avoid hating him. In fact, I whould use the world hate about how easily people are mean at Internet.
It always amaze me the way people play with their words… Eloh Eliott released full perm skins, and now she seems sentenced to be a bitch or a saint. Oppinions fly, sometimes in very offensive ways and, a lot of times, they come from good, even nice people. And of course, even the slightless, sometimes imaginated breach of courtesy, pisses me off.
Yes, some of us are more easily offended than others. I’ve seen people leaving SL, their friends accepting it and hoping them goodbye… while I take it in a very personal way, morally offended about how they leave real people behind. Probably it is a guilt feeling, since I did it once, and I know I’ll never stop feeling bad about it.
I could keep ranting about all the little things that piss me off, but they usually sum about the careless way people treat each other. I can ever accept it, usually by keeping from commenting at any place… but what I cannot understand, is when a friend does that.
Two days ago, a friend sended me an IM that meaned, more or less, that I whould find something interesting in the case I was, or wasn’t, a guy playing as a woman.
Of course, you may not find that phrase annoying… but since it covers all the posibilities the second half nullifies itself, the semantic context is “you may find it interesting”, and the emotional context of the innecesary second half is “in the case you are a guy playing a woman”.
He only forgot to add “no offence meaned”.
Now, I am not telling I am angry at him, since I know he didn’t wanted to hurt me; he, like a lot of men at SL, feels that there are too many lesbians, rezzbians and bisexual woman, so most of us must be men. A classic topic.
But I don’t know what gives friends the liberty to doubt openly about your stated gender. I have to admit that I do try to guess sometimes if any of my friends or lovers is a he instead a she, or a she instead of a he, but I never whould have the gall to tell them.
And no, this isn’t another discussion about virtual gender; I also wonder about if somebody is somebody’s else alt, or if what I am told about RL is true, and about a lot of things… but if you cannot believe your friends, what good are friends for? Where is the confidence?
I know there is a lot of insecurity on Internet. We are forced to believe things without a physical counterpart, sometimes in the name of privacity and bad accent… there will always be the curiosity, the doubt…
… but each time you suggest somebody may be lying, you are reducing them, their virtual reality, a bit. You are killing them, bit by bit.
If you think I am being oversensitive, check this post. Maybe men feel that there is an unfair competition, but woman feel “obliged” to demonstrate themselves, even by hurting other woman. There is no pressure like peer pressure.
And yes, I am not a transhumanist and, to be true, I think all of them are a bit crazy…
Err…
“No offence meaned”.
I think they are a bit crazy, but so I am; probably as crazy, if not crazier than them, since I am living a virtual life and worring about it, with as much intensity as I do about my real one. I don’t believe in transhumanism, but I believe in my transhumanist friends; they aren’t lying to me, they are what they say they are, even if I cannot understand why.
Once a friend of mine told me she had seen an UFO, and I plainly reyected to believe her, since I didn’t, and I don’t, believe in UFOs. It took me long, long years, to mature enough to understand that I should had believed that she wasn’t lying to me, even if I didn’t believe that it truly happened.
I don’t believe in UFOs, but I believe my friends.
about the lesbian men in sl london : If you would actually believe the statistics of mmorpg games ,80%of the women are men in rl. Let me tell you that i don’t believe that number but even it would be half of 80% it would be very much.
i am, on the other hand ,very creative finding out if i deal with a she-male. Furthermore, In sl you NEVER know who is behind the computer in RL unless you start using a webcam.
It sounds stupid but that it just the way it is.
in my opinion A retired trucker in RL can play a very convincing female in SL , i have no doubt about that .
If you are smart enough nobody finds out. But does it matter if you play a gender in sl? not really exept for the emotions.
I was a female myself a while ago and one thing i learned is that when you transgender in sl you can be very cold towards everything. You can PLAY with feelings without feeling anything yourself since you don’t relate to your gender .
there are just too many high sensitive people in sl to be playing with feelings in my opinion. OMG i think i am off topic again!!!
*laughs* I was going to reprimand you about going off-topic, but I see you noticed it by yourself.
Now, without setting a precedent, since I think that there has been already too much talk about men playing as woman, I have to admit that it is fascinating to know the oppinion of somebody who did it; I never thought about the coldness and feeling emptiness you mention.
About the “even it would be half of 80% it would be very much”… I cannot tell straight man or lesbian woman not to worry about if their partners are men in disguise, even more if, as you say, they can be simply faking their feelings.
Also, I always thought that being a rezzbian (as the post that coined the term said, straight woman that like straight woman) means that I shouldn’t worry about the real life gender, since it is a win-win situation; now I have to admit what you said worries me a bit. I want to deny any of my lovers faked their feelings, but yes, I have had bad experiences, and probably at least twice they where man looking for an easy lesbian fuck.
But I still believe we should give our friends the benefit of the doubt, and never hurt them insinuating they can be lying unless we know better. Even in the sensible case of hidden transgendering, that can be worring, we shouldn’t go so far.
Said that, thanks a lot for sharing that with us, and feel free to comment more about your experience *embraces herself in fear and awe of a possible comment avalanche*.
Jokes appart, do it if you want, Peluda, I am really curious about it *smiles warmly*.
Glad to see there is someone else basically assuming all people are good or have good intentions. Sometimes I think I’m the only one.
The article on Sophrosyne is great - Cybergrrrl Oh pointed it out to me a few days ago already.
i have to add a little more to the retired trucker that can play a convincing female , i actually meant “playing a convincing female when having an encounter with a guy.
Because i have some women on my friendslist who amaze me everytime with their intuition. I myself probably feel more than the average Joe , but women are works of art when it comes to intuition and sensing. }8-)=
“he, like a lot of men at SL, feels that there are too many lesbians, rezzbians and bisexual woman, so most of us must be men….”
this is so true London, really a classic topic. But then I totally agree with your next statement:
“…I don’t know what gives friends the liberty to doubt openly about your stated gender… each time you suggest somebody may be lying, …you are killing them, bit by bit”
well it’s a long time that doesn’t happen to me.
I do not know or i cannot understand why. Maybe because I’m gettin old as resident, or my look is gettin better and better (:P) or simply because I reduced my ermmm… “sexual” relationships (no i can’t stop flirting but I am just a little bit tired about cybersex… or whatever we call it).
In the end I will never understand why there are ppl in SL so *obsessed* with gender. Personally I do not care that much. Often I don’t even ask, and someone look surprised at me because of that. Give me your bright side, your moods, express yourself using your avatar shape like a “medium” to me. There are so many nice & interesting people in SL (altogether with rude ppl of course), why should be concerned about who we really are in RL if we can still cooperate, have fun, build something together, or just become good friends?
Wonderful post, London, and actually something that has been bothering me too lately.
If you can’t trust your friends, who can you trust then? Is that RL gender *so* important, if you like or love someone in-world?
I read the post about rezzbianism only very recently and the point that touched me most is, when Kit Meredith said that she was falling in love with someone’s mind or soul at first - not their looks - and that she thus was most likely to become close friends with women. I *so* agree with that. Only I usually happen to have my best friends amongst men, in SL *and* RL. (And oh yes I *am* a woman myself :P)
Hmm… thinking about this… women on my friendslist would be suspect of being a RL-man, only because I like them? :P
Anyway, male or female, I have befriended them because I like their humour, their wittyness, their behaviour, their common sense, or their crazyness. And knowing their RL gender wouldn’t change a thing about that.
i totally agree with you eidur , but personally i can only be “good “friends with someone who is honest about everything.
I would hate to find out that when i talk about intimate things
, or serious stuff (only good friends do that) to a friend, that that person is not who he/she claims to be. besides that i live up to the 2nd secondlife commandment :
“though shall not transgender and get away with it ” :-P
*pokes her friend Peluda*: hey, don’t take over London’s blog !(sorry London couldn’t resist ;-)
sorry , the force of habit and enthousiasm
Peter, sometimes, “there can be only one”, but usually it doesn’t help thinking about it.
Peluda, I feel a bit confused about the trucker and female intuition; I don’t get if you mean that “she” is very intuitive because in fact is a “he”, or that the true “she” are very intuitive.
Eidur, probably you are right about the influence of cybersex in that kind of questions. One thing is to ask a friend to believe you, and another one a lover, that is more gender implied. But friends shouldn’t care, and it is becoming harder and harder to look at this kind of paranoid thinking without feeling deppresed.
Zippora, you take it up a notch. Shouldn’t be worried with the RL gender of our lovers?
I love to see that you think that, and share your point of view, but the main affected group seem to be straight man (or lesbian woman) looking for a virtual girlfriend, and I cannot talk by them; in one hand their minds look limited for spiritual standards, but I cannot negate the devastating sense of betrayal that comes with loving somebody and discovering he/she is the “wrong” gender.
*at this point, gives up and accepts this has becomed another debate about transgendering, just when Peluda decides to go back a bit to the original post*
Peluda, I cannot agree with you. It seems only logical that, if we are going to believe our friends, we should expect them not to lie us. But with time, and a lot of bad feelings, I’ve changed that for: “I hope my friends will not lie to me, unless they have a good reason to do so… and I hope it is a very good one, indeed!”.
I, like you and everybody else, don’t like to be lied at. But if I am not naive enough to ask the full truth from my RL husband or my lovers here, how could I as that from my friends? I only hope that if they lie to me, they don’t like to do it, and do because they need to.
Said that, your commandment is interesting :-) What are the other ones?
Zippora, thanks… he really gives a lot of work! *smiles and sticks her tongue out at Peluda, of course in a friendly way*.
guess i really deserved that you devilish women :-P
here are the other commandments:
1: thou shall not pierce your sl genitals .its considered vandalism
2: thou shall not transgender and get away with it.
3: love thy avatar like you love yourself.
4: oral sex isn’t considered adultery in sl, so do a lot of it.
5: thou shall not covet thy neighbours female slave
6: Remember the sl sabath day and keep it holy
7: murdering an avatar is a capital sin (guilty as charged myself)
8: never roll your bike on shabbat, The hog stays in the garage!!
9: always bear in mind this song: this land is your land, this land is my land ,from the redwood forest to the gulfstream waters, this land was made for you and me.
10: blues and salsa are the devils music ,stay away from those places in sl.
Now you called me that, I should put a pic of my imp avie here, I feel pretty proud of it .-)
About the commandments:
1- I agree with you but, even so, I like to eventually use nipple rings - guilty.
2- Tried once a man shape and skin for like five minutes, but felt too uneasy to keep doing it.
3- A hard one to balance, but I do probably obey that one.
4- hehe, this one made me laugh a lot, and still smile when I readed it again.
5- Poooot… some of them are so cute!
6- Definitly guilty on that one.
7- And also on this one, and it is a sin I don’t want to repeat ever.
8- Not guilty, but only because I don’t have a bike :-p.
9- Sorry, keep forgetting it… it was the land what?
10- I used to be pretty good at RL salsa, but I don’t like much to listen to it, so since I find SL animations faulty I usually keep away from salsa. But guilty about blues, even if it has been ages since last time I went to one of that places.
peluda: I beg to differ, at least somewhat. Alot of Transgender males are actually that. Transgender.. They identify with females much more then males, they think of themselves as female. If not, then they are just guys playin as female.. not really transgender at all. To me, it’s actually insulting that you would think they are cold and emotionless.. as we generally never are.. Only the guys posing as females for no reason other then a quick lesbian lay could even think about being that way.. Being transgender is something that is very hard for the people that are it.. They are almost always very tender and loving, because they know how much hurt they can have because of something as simple as being born the wrong gender. Maybe I read your statement wrong, but it is sooo very difficult to be cold and emotionless.. very hard to play with someone’s feelings without remorse. I don’t believe you meant any ill will with your statements.. but I do think you should find someone that’s truely Transgender and get to know her or him before you talk too much more about it. ^^;
On to the rest of the comments, whee~
Personally, I have stopped worrying about RL gender of those I Love. I’ve had many of my lovers come out to me that they are really men, and I don’t care if they are.. They are almost all genuinely female in their heart, their soul.. And it is their hearts and souls that I have grown to Love, not their physical, though I can say that I would still Love that reguardless.
Maybe I am that way because I know that is the way I wish to be treated. I wish for those I Love to Love me back for my heart, and my soul, which is what I display to the world in SL, not the poor hand of cards RL has delt me. It doesn’t matter that my RL is different, as I would gladly be my SL self if I ever actually could.
Because of that, I’m going to say something that most of my closest friends (You would too, London, if I could ever get some time to actually talk to you! ::Frowns.:: Though I think you might actually know, since I left a whole hell of alot of hinting on Kit’s blog using the “anonymouse the second” name. ^^) know. I’m transgender.. Physically male, but my heart, and my soul are female. I never ever want anyone to think of me other then female, as that is what I feel I truely am… and trust me, if I had the means, and the funds.. if I could change myself to what I wish I was, I would in a heartbeat.
I never want to be thought of as anything other then myself. Katrina, fun loving, caring and kind.. Any of my friends will tell you that I try to be the most loving, most caring, and the kindest soul I can be. I never lie about who or what I am.. though I rarely offer the information.. well.. until recently. I need to do this.. my heart needs the weight lifted from it.
So here is my public confession to everyone.. I’ve been needing to get it out of me for a long time. I am male.. but only physically. My heart, mind, spirit and soul is what everyone that knows me already knows..
~Kat
*hugs her dear, loved Katrina*
Now I feel guilty about wondering about the possibility of the coldness Peluda said; but you know me, I feel guilty a lot, so it isn’t a great surprise, isn’t it? :-p.
There is little more I can say, as usual. I have to admit I missed the hints, since I didn’t read the comments you are talking about; but I think I remember the post that applies, and will look at them tomorrow, since today is so late; please, forgive me for not running in and embrace you at SL, as I should do. My husband is waiting for me, and that is my blessing and my damnation, sometimes.
Tonight I can only hug you from here, and keep loving you, as I’ve always did, and do. And yes, I am not usually here, never have time, and I am always running… but I promise you we will talk, and hug, and love each other.
I will not tell you nothing has changed… I feel a bit sad about you feel, and a bit happy about knowing you a bit better; our lives are made of bits, and now I have some more from you, and that completes the part of me that is us.
I love you, Katrina *hugs you tight, misses you, kisses you tenderly… and will tickle your lovely ears soon, and lick them until you purr… and for once, without being a precedent, will let you exhaust her until she feels drowsy :-)*
/me smiles, eyes a bit wet. I know I am being a bit silly, but only want to… well, you know, only want you to be sure that nothing has changed, or maybe yes, maybe I love you a bit more now. Good night, kitten.
::Giggles, and purrs at London.:: Hehe, London, I Love you so very much.. ::Hugs her tightly.:: You and Nat have been nothing but good to me.. ::Kisses her, and smiles.:: You for one, deserve to know everything you would want about me, though you know pretty much everything I can tell. I Love you, nothin’ll be able to change that.. and I knew you wouldnt’ feel different about me.. But.. It is a very hard thing for me to talk about, as I’m sure you’d understand. I didn’t doubt it’d change anything.. as I know you love me for me. ::Nods.::
And.. I wait, await for you, wait to hug you, wait to hold you, wait to be able to exhaust you so badly you can’t move… ::Giggles sheepishly, purring!::
Wow, I go away for a day, and look at all the action I miss!
First, above everything else: ((hugs)) Kat!
Kat, my sweet, wow! I’m so proud of you! You’re wonderful, brave and loving, and a fantastic person. I’m honored to know you and to be your friend.
London, thank you so much for this post! I had a couple deeply crappy weeks, and it really means a lot to hear such strong words, especially from my atomic friends.
Eidur, you rock too! Come on over to Extropia, and let’s hang out sometime!
….aaaaand that’s about all I’m going to reply to here…
:: Giggles at Sophy.:: Hehe.. The first one to get all my hints on Kit’s.. … then again, I’ve taken to calling her Sophy, and that gave me away. ::Giggles.:: Not like I was really hiding, but.. :: Shrugs, and smiles.::
All I can say is.. It was time. ^^
I am sorry if i offended you in any way Katrina . your comment actually proves my statement that there are just too many high sensitive people in SL to be playing with feelings.
You made me realize that i am more male than i thought i was because i never , as a woman in sl, experienced the feelings you describe in your comment. Since i have a hard time lying about things , i did it for the lesbian f*ck too sometimes.
But since i had my share of greek tragedy in sl i never play again.
Katrina, I think you’re the only one who really got the point here. Great comment, and brave as well. I think it deserves a “standalone” post.
Thanx for sharing with us.
Honestly
Katrina, I don’t know you personally, but I was really touched by your comment *smiles warmly at you*
I think it’s all about the old discussion if SL is a game or not.
Some people play it as a game, amongst them the many people who are here for quick sex, no matter straight or homosexual/lesbian.
On the other side are the people, like you and me, who live a life here and who are themselves, sometimes even more than in RL. They have real feelings and the love for their friends is a true, deep love, not only based on appearance.
And some start it as a game, but while going find out how real it feels and end up in the second category *winks at Peluda*
*giggles* yes London it ended in a discussion about gender… but is that wrong? *tries to look guilty* ;-)
::Blushes. Nods at them, smiling softly.::
I agree, Peluda, you cannot mess with feelings. That’s why I’ve been tryin to make it a point to come out to those I care about. They need to know more then anyone else.. as does anyone that would have any kind of real relationship with me.
I think that guys can play females if they want to.. but they need to realize that some people can be very hurt by it.. and that if they find they are just there for the sex, they need to re-evaluate why they are doing it. I don’t have a problem with a guy playing a female, to find out what it’s like to be female.. I don’t have a problem with them doing it to get in touch with their femminine side. I do have a problem if it’s only sex, with no reguard to anyone else.
As for SL being a game.. I started, thinking it would be a great place for RolePlaying. (Not just sexual stuff, but more of a DnD, or text chat room RP area.) I had already known I was transgender.. though I hadn’t admitted it to myself.. I’ve felt .. wrong.. for at least 8-9 years.. maybe longer. And I’m only 24. I’ve always played female characters in normal games.. It always felt right. Here, I just went with what I knew.. I ended up just being myself (though I throw in some quirks of my RP character by my same name in, for fun.) I’ve always been myself, and nothing more, nothing less. ::Nods.::
I’m still not sure if I’m going to state in my profile that I’m transgender.. I might. But I don’t think everyone needs to know.. I think they need to find out who and what I am without prejudice before they know that detail.
What do you all think about that? Any suggestions? ::Hyjacks London’s post, grinning.::
you never cease to amaze me zippora !! you superwoman
*smiles warmly at you*
i wrote a comment about my female experience on zipp’s blog
zipp’s blog
Don’t do that Kat.
You don’t need to be judged by silly or rude people before they have known you.
Give them a chance to discover how beautiful you are, and then let them choose what to do.
It will take bravery to take you off f/list just because your gender is different from the one you live in SL.
That is kinda what I’m leaning towards. Would make more sense to me, anyways. I always try to let people see the real me before they have to make that kind of descision. The only problem is that way.. if they do decide not to be a friend.. and by the time I tell someone, I’m usually very attatched.. My heart’s going to go through alot of acheing. But.. that’s something I can handle. I’ve been taking that risk for the last few years anyways.. :: Smiles, and shrugs.:: We’ll see what happens.
Sighhhhhh… what a lot of work to do….
Soph, I am so glad you liked that I said you was a bit crazy… it comed from the dept of my heart *winks*
Kat, I readed it and yes, the shifty eyes are a real giveaway; I also remember how you ranted here about the html coding and the problem with them. Now, about the Anonymouse 2, I feel a bit confused… if you mean that I should had taken the hint because I am Anony, I am not, and if you mean it because you know who is Anony, as I do, I didn’t knew you knew who he/she was :-p.
Anyway, I readed the comments quickly yesterday, but I’ll give them a new try tonight, and also try to log for a while, and hug you, if you are around :-)
Peluda, thanks for sharing it… skipping my personal oppinion about it… I am pretty sure there wasn’t no bad intention in what you did, since you got so worried about the consecuences. So, as a proud member, I welcome you to the club of the big blunders.
Eidur, since you are adressing Kat, I can only say I agree with you. Anyway, since I am at it, I want to thank you for coming and commenting so often.
Zippora, sometimes I feel sad because the main theme of a post get lost in a divergent line of comments… but of course, this isn’t one of that times. It isn’t only Katrina’s revelation, but the way all of you reacted to it what makes this worthy.
(skips Kat for a second…) Peluda, I whould reprimand you about leaving like that, but what whould be the use? I don’t have the moral ground to do so, since I killed myself once too… and you already know, understand and avoid doing it again, and already are invited you to the blunders club. Since you already brought the commandments, I can only add… “go and don’t sin more”, and try to do the same *smiles*
Eidur, I agree with you; nobody needs the kind of harassment that will so easily come about a transgendering declaration on her profile… but I also agree with Kat… it will probably be too late to say it if she waits to feel attached. It is a very hard decision, a one I am glad I don’t need to do.
And Kat, let me go off-off-topic. I have little knoledge about transgendering, but a remote sad feeling about people having to live with a body that doesn’t suit them, and now I discover you had been living with that burden for almost a decade (ok, that and that you are 24! that was too much information, now I feel like an old hag :-p).
I have the luck that, to me, and at SL, you will always be the same Katrina. But if there is anything you want me to know, or need me to understand, here I am *hugs, kisses and licks you*.
Before I say “get over the gender issue” I really have to say that I find it really amusing that so many people put so much time and effort into discovering the RL gender of others on SL. Far from a “classic topic” I really find it trite and passe, since it seems to come up almost every two to three weeks like clockwork.
I think the question everyone needs to ask themselves is “What is the purpose of a digital world when we are constrained by all of the rules and limitations of the ‘real’?” I think everyone knows that the answer to that question is that we would have little more than a communications platform… which is all some people want to see SL be. That view is unimaginative and boring.
When I was a member of a group called “Bisexuals in SL” a long time ago, I confessed that I knew about my Bisexuality when I was about 13.
One of the male members of the audience said, out loud, “Definitely a female in RL, since most most guys aren’t mature enough to admit it to themselves.”
After I picked my jaw up off of the ground, I realized that I found the comment really offensive since he assumed that he had the right to judge me or that I had some obligation to prove myself to him.
I’ve had a hard life (in RL) in some ways. Always being judged by other people and always being rejected, persecuted, etc because of who and what I am.
While I will not confess any details here regarding my RL identity or even my SL one, I will say that so long as a person is sincere in their feelings for all of those who they love, the details of their “atomic self”, as a digital person might put it, are secondary. Some of you, and you know who you are *winks*, may recoil from this in shock and horror and, to that I say, too bad.
On my blog I put up the following Bill of Basic Rights, slightly revised here:
0. Right to self expression
1. Privacy - Each person shall have the right to privacy.
2. Non discrimination - No person shall be discriminated against for any reason
3. Right to choose form - All people have the right to choose what form they take. This extends to switching gender, being a furry, or being a child and all other forms.
4. Right to not be griefed - All people have a right to live their life as they choose and to have that life free of griefing.
When I first wrote these, I was hoping they would strike a cord somewhere.
Maybe they will someday.
Sincerely,
Anony Mouse
“The first. The one with the blog… yes, that one. ;)”
*smiles* I’ve been protesting for a while about how a post about friendship turned a gender discussion; but if I have to be true, most of examples of innadecuate coments where gender related, and almost all sex related. So gender wasn’t far from my mind when I wrote this.
I agree with you that it is a too used theme, or at least agreed, until I saw so many new concepts; the inner coldness Peluda described, Kat’s revelation, and the so, so nice answers to it.
To me, that is the neverending surprise; even if I know most of you, I confess that I get very high when things like this happens. It is a incredible feeling to see so many wonderful, reasonable, open minded and caring people around.
Now, about your bisexuality… maybe you feel more chased that you should (yes, that guy was silly saying that, but maybe only silly? As somebody so good at being silly, I want to say that we silly people usually make silly mistakes without bad intention :-), but I cannot tell, since I don’t share it with you. I have the same absence of references that with Kat, but in this case I envy you… I’ve always thought that bisexuality is more natural and balanced, that us, the dull straight ones, are sadly unable to overpass the limitations of our gender (at least, physically, I am managing well virtually, thanks :-).
And here comes another problem. As a virtual bisexual, I don’t believe I have the right to say that the virtual straight ones shouldn’t worry about the real gender of their partners… yes, I think that they should hope to “reach” virtual “bi”ness, as I hope to become a real life bi… but if I cannot be a bi, maybe they aren’t able to be a bi, too.
(yes, the be bi pun was intended, sorry :-p)
Maybe virtual straight people whould need some form of defence, like a “If you are bending genders, don’t seduce/be seduced by me, please” in their profiles… but just now, the result of this witch hunt is that everybody can be a suspect… if you don’t give your RL info, if you don’t use voice, if you dont cam, etc.
So yes, I agree with you that all this chaos is out of bounds, and also agree with your Bill of rights. It doesn’t strike a cord on me, since I also agreed with them before reading them, but thanks for publishing it.
And, since I am at it, thanks for being one of that wonderful, reasonable, open minded and caring people that comes here. Thanks to you, and Kat, and Eidur, and Peluda, and Zippora, and Soph, and Peter.
Thanks to all you, and to all ones that commented in other posts, and to the ones that simply read and like what they read, at least sometimes.
As Zippora said, I have a third life life here, and I owe it to you :-)
I think sometimes we tend to over-complicate things by making too many rules. I *try* to live my SL by just one simple rule:
I don’t do anything that I know might cause harm to another person. (oops - see the ‘PS’).
As part of this I don’t want to know your RL gender or RL name. If you don’t tell me I cannot get upset by what you told me, and in turn I cannot possibly upset you with my reaction.
The only RL thing I ask people about (and I am prepared to share in return) is the country/timezone/city you/I live in. And you don’t even have to share that with me. Otherwise I take you as you interact with me and I hope you will treat me the same. [Reading this back, it's starting to sound like I am a genderbender myself!] But I honestly enjoy SL more by not knowing and not caring about people’s RLs.
In a perfect utopia (and sadly ‘perfect’ is unobtainable), everyone would live by this ’cause no harm’ rule and all griefing, harrassment, discrimination and abuse would be a thing of the past. Sigh.
It wouldn’t mean that BDSM or Gor or Furry Sex or places like Hard Alley wouldn’t exist. They would, and those of us who didn’t agree with them would simply ignore them so that the only avatars/people there are those that want to be.
That’s also how I choose to deal with hateful people (like a certain PN) - I ignore them. I won’t argue with them, tell them they are wrong or what I feel (and I feel very strongly about PN). I ignore them and cause no harm. It’s taken me many years to develop the patience and learning through bitter experience how to keep quiet and walk away without telling them off, but that is what causes the least harm to everyone.
So I’ve rambled and lost my point again. Oh yes. We only need one rule - Be nice to each other!
PS - I know I tease too much - it’s just my nature. But I never intend to actually upset someone by it.
London. Good to see you posting again. Hugs.
I think that choosing to accept how my friends are presenting themselves in Second Life or the real world is important. If you are a woman in second life then you are are a woman. If you are a ferret, let me know how you need to be supported in that life choice.
I might suspect that you are not a ferret in the real world. I would never ask for you to use voice to prove your ferret status.
You might even confess to me the challenges of “playing a ferret”. That does not make you any less a ferret to me. It’s Second Life, and I support my friends to try whatever identity they want.
Unless your choice is to be a jerk, then I get to choose to mute and ban you from my little square. No matter how cute you are in your little ferret avie.
Nice rule. Hard to put in practice, but nice rule anyway :-)
:: Blinks.. takes a look at her ferret.. contemplates putting him on her keyboard to see what he’ll do. Then thinks better of it, since he’ll probably just scamper off and hide in a closet. Scratches her head, then shakes it, giggling.:: I wanna ferret in world!!