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Archive for the ‘Poliamory’ Category

Before getting started, remember that my RL experience is nearly nonexistent: some months with a boyfriend (we even touched a bit!) and, some years later, the men that now is my husband. So I am not the right one to talk about RL poliamory, but after three years practicing it at SL, I have learned a pair of things, mostly by the painful way of test and error.

Lately I have been asked a lot about it, up to a point like I feel like a kind of awkward guru, but a good point is that my experience has been coalesced into three simple rules:

  • Love: I am not going to talk about love again, thank you, but I want to note that it is essential for any kind of relation. There is also a mistake about polyamory and sex. While poly relations allows sexual freedom (up to a point, at least) and having sex with somebody may be sharing a nice moment, that doesn’t make him/her part of that relation; it needs to be tied with love.
  • Care: It is interesting how hard is to distinguish it from love, since they are usually together, but they are different. For example a new love is exciting and absorbent, but you still have to care for your other partners so they don’t suffer because it. And when one of your partners fell in love, you should care enough to keep a bit out of the way until their feelings quieten a bit (if they ever do *winks*).
  • Confidence: For me this is a vital rule that most times gets overlooked. I need to know that if I say something wrong, if I do something silly, my partners will never believe that I deliberately tried to hurt them. I need them to have enough faith on me to tell me anything they need, anything about how they feel, even if I can find it hard to swallow. But beware, confidence doesn’t mean pure truth; while some lies may mean an irremediable breach of trust, sometimes little white lies may help to keep a relation steady.

Poliamory is incredible complex and it would be silly to think you can face it only with a set of rules, but they may help if you are imaginative. For example, trying to integrate all of your partners into a loving family is a recipe for disaster, since it is almost impossible that all they are compatible, but when two of them manage to become lovers it is very sweet even if that makes you feel sometimes like a spare wheel…  love should make you happy for them, care should help them into their starting relation, and confidence should give you the faith to know you aren’t going to be loved less.

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Those who I love

I tend to appear alone at the pictures I publish, since I  almost never stop to take them when in company. I also tend to generalize when things go right and rant openly when they go bad. The result is I talk a lot how I enjoy love, but rarely about who I love, except to subtly rant at them; bad, bad kitty.

Some relations never worked, and it was mostly my fault; I have leaved an avatar and all her life behind, grow distant from Soph, wronged Timothy. Others simply faded, coming to SL less and less. Others I love from the distance, and there is somebody I love very much while we dance around each other, our lips briefly touching before we get separated again (yes, I know, if things become complicated is always my fault .-p).

So, instead of looking so much at what can or can’t be, it is time to write a long, and probably boring post, about those who simply be (and whose permission I asked in advance, btw :-p).

See you after the cut.

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Doesn’t sound like a big thing, isn’t it? But why would you think if I said it was the first time?

My first boyfriend was, err, a tad slimy in the kissing department, and I didn’t like at all when he tried to reach my  uvula with his tongue. And so, since then I give short kisses, mouth half open, sometimes capturing a lip with mine or briefly licking it with the tip of my tongue.

Of course my second boyfriend and will be husband tried to French-kiss me, but I probably reacted in a way that it showed the little I liked the idea. I don’t know how many times it took, but he stopped trying. Even nowadays, when I see a tongue kiss in a film, I tend to think “gross”.

What about SL? Strange as it sounds, nobody tried it with me. Oh, I have had virtual tongues in my mouth some times, but always briefly, probably because I quickly changed the theme without even noticing.

kiss-2

Nobody had given me a long, wet kiss, where a tongue carefully intruded my mouth, finding its way between my weak lips, touching me deeply, caressing my palate and my tongue, exploring me deeply.

Nobody, until two days ago, at SL.

I can’t even explain how vulnerable I felt in that moment, where I suddenly noticed what I had denied to myself and to others. Timid, virginal and horny. Blood rushing to my face. Wanting to learn. Surprised.

Delighted.

I feel so tempted to stop writing here, those sweet kisses still lingering in my lips and, for first time, in my mouth.

But there are always two sides of a story, and so, excited and happy, yesterday I tried to French-kiss my husband.

He jumped at first, probably because I was too pushy. I didn’t like the touch of his tongue on my teeth, and felt strange stretching mine. There was way too many drooling involved.

He looked at me and asked what had bitten me, and I explained myself, of course lying like crazy in the process.

We tried again, slowly this time, only the tip of our tongues twirling. Slowly, very, very slowly. Sweetly.

We still are trying, learning. It is a new, playful sensation, and our own awkwardness makes us laugh. We are carefully learning to kiss, and we enjoy it.

Maybe by reading this you think, aha! See! That’s the difference between RL and SL!

And it is, and there is.

I love this RL kiss that brings me fun, tenderness and soft, new sensations.

I love this SL kiss that makes my mind and heart flare, because it connects deeply with me, without having to overcome the barrier of my inexperience.

I love the SL kiss that taught me to kiss my husband, and the RL kiss that taught me how it feels a loved tongue.

I love to kiss and be kissed, wherever I am, and plan to keep doing it *smiles*.

kiss

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Those I love

I tend to appear alone at the pictures I publish, since I  almost never stop to take them when in company. I also tend to generalize when things go right and rant openly when they go bad. The result is I talk a lot how I enjoy love, but rarely about who I love, except to subtly rant at them; bad, bad kitty.

Some relations never worked, and it was mostly my fault; I have leaved an avatar and all her life behind, grow distant from Soph, wronged Timothy. Others simply faded, coming to SL less and less. Others I love from the distance, and there is somebody I love very much while we dance around each other, our lips briefly touching before we get separated again (yes, I know, if things become complicated is always my fault .-p).

So, instead of looking so much at what can or can’t be, it is time to write a long, and probably boring post, about those who simply be (and whose permission I asked in advance, btw :-p).

See you after the cut.

(more…)

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Dating

Note: I hope you will enjoy this peek into the creative process. Any similitude with any living, neurotic being, is absolutely accidental.

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The never ending fight for a rational use of SL time continues!

Amazing, no, astounding conclusions reached!

Awesome crochet artwork!

(what the…! scratch that one!)

Fight for your sanity in a world that has gone mad!

(yes… definitely better than the crochet line)

Follow our heroine in her quest to drag SL, kicking and screaming or at least guiding it by the hand, into the 21 century!

( insert Bond-girl picture here, took at Rezzable’s Gallery of Light)

rezzable-bond-girls

(now we are at it is probably is a good time to write something with a bit of sense before they get bored)

Here you have a new episode of London’s Fight For Sense In Her Messy SL Romantic Life!

(aaaaaaaaaaargh, that wasn’t what I meant with “sense”. The pills, where did I leave the pills?)

*coughs and cleans the mouth froth*

I was going to write a long post, but since I got diverted, I will be brief.

Most times when I log with the idea to work a bit, I start chatting with somebody and do nothing. Also, it is hard to find quality time with my loved ones because a) they never are around when I am alone and b) when it happens that one of them is around, so are the rest, and things get messy .-p

So I have decided to give a new twist to my friend list management method, and add a plan about how to log-in at SL:

  • Work (including inventory arrangement!): I hate it but it seems I will start using the busy flag; the alternative is being rude always telling people how busy I am.
  • Date: Previously arranged dates (through Google Calendar?) once or twice a week at late night (3PM PST) or early morning (7PM PST), trying to get some one-to-one quality time.
  • Social: From time to time, crawl from below my rock and meet those friends/lovers/partner I have neglected so much lately; time to switch down the busy flag and simply enjoy the time.

Nothing more, I will give the idea a try and post someday what happens :-p.

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RL love, SL love

Note: This is the second post of a series of three. First one was RL friends, SL friends, and the next one will be “RL sex, SL sex”.

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“SL friendships are nice, but not true friendships.” That little phrase coming from one of my SL friends shocked me so much, that I will probably never be able to look at her in the same way.

I believe most of you would feel uneasy if a friend said something like that. But I keep reading about people saying that SL love cannot compare with RL love because there isn’t “real” contact, and people agreeing with them. Am I the only one that finds it outrageous? (1)

Holidays

Maybe you don’t have a relation at SL because you didn’t find the right one. Maybe it doesn’t strike your fancy; it is up to you. Are you being faithful to your RL couple? I deeply respect that, the cheating side of my virtual relations still bothers me. Love is scarcer than friendship.

But to read somebody saying:  it isn’t true, you are being dramatic, yours is a friendship spiced with fake sex… Don’t we know what love is? Are we so stupid?

Don’t dare tell me my feelings aren’t true because there isn’t RL contact! Farting in bed? Wait until the first passion ends and you find yourself in a very limited world, with little things in common to do but sex (2), without even a TV set to look at. 24/7? Try to oversleep too much and too often because your lover lives nine timezones away.

Love hardships? Showing always your better side? Try loving somebody who takes two or three minutes to answer a phrase! (4).

SL relations tend to be passionate and quick because we feel the risk is smaller, are less inhibited, and less inhibitions ease things. SL(5) love is easier.

Sadly is also easier to get bored, to look for something new, the next passion burst. Easier to misunderstand what somebody said and get angry at them. Drama, betrayal, so many dark shades of human nature. Easier to leave.

Yes, true love at SL is very hard to find. Denying it exists is arrogance of the worst class.

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(1) Note that it was a rhetoric question; the truth is I hope you share my opinion.

(2) You don’t want to do it, great for you. You did once and found it gross? well, sometimes is hard to find a good lover behind the poseball forest. Tired of how sex invades everything? yes, people should learn respect boundaries. Said that, trucker jokes grow old long ago. SLex can be fucking(3) good, and even if it is different, it is real. Don’t judge me because you don’t practice it.

(3) Yes, fucking, not f**cking. Do you really think asterisks soften a swear word?

(4) I know what I am talking about: I have been “blessed” with a RL busy partner that has a hundred friends at her list, and a lover that has a bit of an attention disorder. I know now they cannot avoid it and I have learned to live with the long, boring spaces between phrases, but when I read about “multitask wonders” bragging about how many chats they can be having at the same time, I want to cry.

(5) Remember that SL is a LL registered trademark, it may come handy sometimes (6).

(6) No, we aren’t still talking about sex. Sometimes handy only appeals to dirty minds, like mine (7).

(7) Mine isn’t a registered trademark, but it should be, since it is mine (8).

(8) Don’t worry, I will not get addicted to foot notes. I was in one of my funny moods and decided to pay a little homage to Terry Pratchett (9).

(9) If you somehow enjoyed my sad attempt at humour, maybe you would also like some previous blunders of mine, like dandellion revealed, Vint Falken revealed and Katrina revealed! :-p

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Awesome new logo done by yours truly? Check.

Eight new freebies to be set when the new products are ready? Check.

Old animations fixed? Err, some.

Scripting of the four new products? Yeah!

Tested and bug free? *sobs*

Vendors ready? Promos? Instruction notecards? Multiple languages? AAAAAARGHHHH!

resting

It is time to write a new post but, since I am so deep at work, I will simply demostrate (again :-p) how crazy I am, by cutting and pasting the updated version of the notecard I gived to my friends.

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Don’t worry! I know a notecard from me tends to be a bad omen, but this time is only a little explanation about how I am trying to manage my LL friend list:

– I disabled Show online friend notifications. Now I will not know when you log in, but I will check who is online from time to time, looking for victims to annoy *insert theme from Jaws here*.

– IM me any time, but know that I never use the busy status and am more receptive when alone, so feel free to map me and check how many dots are around.

– There is no need to say hello every time you find I am online but, if you have free time and want to do or talk about something, call me! I will do the same.

Friends shouldn’t worry too much about being annoying. I hereby promise to tell you if I am busy or if you are IMg me too often, and I hope you will do the same.

Let’s find time for each other; time to sit and talk, alone. Setting a date is always an option.

– Remember, you will always have a friend in me… unless I go crazy and defriend everybody (again), or I get tired of you, or you get tired of me, or cows learn to fly.

– Don’t ask about Mrs. Cake.

*hugs you a lot*

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