*** Lots of dirty words; please skip this post if that makes you uneasy ***
I said I wasn’t going to try a cybering “how to”, but a good series of posts about it just got deleted and I feel somehow justified to port them here… but there is a nag. I had the idea of reading them in deep, err… someday, but they where pretty long and I browsed them too quickly *blushes slightly ashamed*.
So at the end you will get a mix of some things I found worth remembering, mixed with my own ideas and ramblings. There is also the style problem; they where written with a sweet and careful good taste, while I tend to throw things and hope they fall standing. A pity, but they got deleted and this is what we have left; our loss, because good cybering does wonders in the ways of communication and self-esteem, even if it tends to keep you awake at late hours.
One of the things I remember is how not women should use silly words as “vagoo” when cybering, because it probably would freeze her partner libido (I also noticed that it sounds a bit like ageplay; remember that if you have that tendency). Also, it said not many women would use the world “c*nt” even at dirty talk; I deeply agree with it, too. After all, throats aren’t designed to pronounce asterisks.
Jokes appart, I use cunt a lot while cybering, but after reading that I noticed the spanish equivalent, “coño” is a swearword instead an insult, and that probably explains why, not being english native, I have no problems with it.
Even more, just after writing coño I noticed how I dislike that word and that I wouldn’t use it in dirty talk.
The fact is I don’t do dirty talk at RL; interesting, I feel ashamed because I don’t do it.
But dirty talk is a need in cybering, because you need to say what you are doing, and when you do it you need to keep the mood: nobody is going to insert a candy stick in my vagoo if they hope to keep doing it in the future (prim scissors, here we go!).
Dirty talk isn’t easy. It can go a bit through your partner comfort zone, but not too far away if you don’t want to spoil things, and you can’t simply discuss it in advance (btw, love, you can’t discuss it while you aren’t at it, I didn’t remember to tell you until now, but it wasn’t a good idea, believe me :-p).
Going back to the cunt word, the post writer suggested a solution, only use it after your female partner uses it for herself, showing you that way she doesn’t mind… good idea, but not a perfect solution with so many rezbians roaming around (I think I would say… no, better not. No, please, do it. No, I am not sure, you first…).
There is also the timing thing; I use pussy at first, and then switch to cunt when things grow hotter. Oh, who am I trying to delude; I am the selfish kind and I use it when I grow hotter.
Maybe you didn’t notice it, and I hadn’t, but dirty talk is a delicate thing. You need to understand your partner, to feel the tempo, and sometimes, to risk a bit. If you hear something you don’t like much try to swallow it and tell him (or her) after you finish, but If you truly dislike something, stop it and discuss it. Your partner is talking like that for your enjoyment, and will (probably) thank you for it.
Interesting and important post. At some point, the normal vocabluary gets pretty… medical… and not justified by the situation anymore. But the dirty words are often loaded with degrading connotations. The “let her/him use a word first” is a good suggestion to solve the dilemma. What is also taken into account is if the two (or more…) partners don’t have a common native language. I personally can not cyber in my native language. It feels just WRONG to me. So I spent some time refining my English skills for below-the-waist area, to become a responsive and skilled partner.
Thank you, Peter. Remember that the “first use” idea isn’t mine, but I loved it and thought it was worth talking about it here.
I never tried to cyber in spanish and yes, I probably wouldn’t be able to do it, at least not easily.
Maybe that is why so many native uses reject sex?
Did we just find something important?
Are native uses who cyber in english a bunch of deg…
Whoops :-p
Funny, i never tried cyber in my native language (russian) either, only in english. And worser, i’m speaking in sl only in english even with people who speaking russian and native russians.
::scratches ear … ponders …::
“vagoo”?! *laughs, meanwhile secretly taking notes*
London could you please keep on posting like this, I think it would improve my “dictionary below-the-waist” a lot ;-)
I actually don’t have any problems at all with cybering in my own language (my first SL partner happened to speak Dutch too) and I often feel disabled not to be able to do as much dirty talking in English as I would like (<3 it :D)
Juicy detail: with my current partner I cyber bilingual :D But anyway, still no chance to improve my skills in English :(
Oh my, this comment didn’t sound like a desperate request for some lessons, did it? *blushes and runs*
Hyang, when I write in spanish I think in spanish and so I behave in spanish, and so I don’t feel like “myself” using spanish at SL. Of course that also means that my english mind is waaay dirtier than my spanish one, but that’s another story :-p.
Zippora, I saw a cybering vocabulary at a SL blog; just now I can’t remember which one but I promise I will look for it… because if you think vagoo can inprove your dictionary, you are in dire need of it, dear *winks*.
I envy you because you are able to do dirty talk in your own language: I feel so limited when I feel it in the tip of my toughe and can’t word it; two tongues must help a lot in that kind of situations.
There’s dirty talk that sounds good, and dirty talk that sounds cheap/degrading. The respective vocabluary in my own language always sounded vulgar and humiliating to me. I can only start to cyber at all if I have a feeling of friendship, respect, trust and affection to my partner. Using humiliating vocabluary seems very, VERY wrong in that aspect.
Dirty talk in English lacks – for the most part – the negative connotation though it has the danger of being too “medical”.
Peter, I think English dirty talk misses the negative connotation for many of us, *because* is not our native language.
And concerning your language: believe me that it can be very entertaining and not vulgar at all *grins*
(lol, maybe I am blessed that I can cyber in three different languages? :D)
>.>; At least she didn’t put up the word ‘vajayjay.’ Never did get that one. >.>;;
Honestly for me, dirty talking isn’t quite my.. uhm.. thing.. I guess… ? :: Shrugs.:: I just kinda… well… do whatever… and.. uhm.. whee? >.>;; Okay, I dunno what I’m saying, really. Just.. tireds. >.>;;;
vajayjay?! lmao – I had to read that aloud before I got it :D
Peter, Zippora, it probably depends on what you call dirty talk. We already settled that cunt is a very negative insult in english; slit seems to be rude (don’t ask me why, my english isn’t so good), but most male related terms aren’t too negative (even “prick” and “capullo”); this is a man world, after all.
It is true that dear Kat has always been more delicate than I, never going farther than pussy and still able to comunicate what she was doing; since she is the only english native discussing this, I need to admit that as outsiders, our dirty talk can be too dirty sometimes (and if you felt it, you should had told me, love).
So it seems we are going back to square one: there is people that can talk dirty without using dirty words, people who can talk dirty and enjoy it (sometimes in three languages!), and people who is somehow limited and can only do it when they are talking in another language and only because they don’t notice how dirty is the talk.
Sometimes I wonder why I don’t write a post called “People is people” and let everything be *smiles*
Lol.. I didn’t say it bothered me any.. so no problems there, m’Love. ^^
I’ll use slit alot.. Never had any negative meaning I can think of..
I speak English as my first language and I use the word ‘cunt’ during cybersex without any problems… I wonder what that says about me :)
I always only thought of ‘cunt’ as an insult when you call someone a cunt, not when you’re using it to describe the actual body part. In the same way I don’t like hearing people swearing “Fuck!” but I don’t mind saying, “Fuck me,” to my cybering partner ;)
/me smiles. Katrina, I will have to accept your word on slit, I readed somewhere it wasn’t a good one, but didn’t say why.
Quaintly, you are also right; the way you use it must mean a lot about how you or your couple feel about it. I still feel blocked when I think about cybering in spanish, but that is probably part of my personal kind of schizophrenia, since I don’t enjoy even talking in spanish at SL.
Btw… I only briefed quickly but, SEVEN BLOGS! *gawks*
[…] you remember when I wrote Dirty Talking, about how some cybering tutorials had been […]
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